A healthy sexual life is essential for emotional and psychical wellbeing, and in my practice of couple therapy and sex counselling, I have seen a growing number of people whose sex lives are going poorly because of their lifestyles impacted by the pressure of living in a big city. Living in places like London can be challenging, and many couples are trying to juggle work, family, and social engagements while failing to maintain a meaningful relationship with each other. There is a way to reconnect with your partner and enjoy a better and richer sex life, for which motivation and openness for change is a key.

The stresses of city living invade personal life, which means the time with a partner can settle at the bottom of the to-do list. When the couple finally finds a moment to be together, they are not able to communicate on both verbal and nonverbal levels. As time moves on, their intimate connection weakens feelings of belonging and need to nurture the relationship. As therapy moves on, they discover how less emotional intimacy directly affects their sexual life. A low level of emotional connection deprives the satisfaction of intimate encounters and increases irritation. Often, without motivation, openness to change, the challenge of imprinted relational patterns, and without professional consultation, the vicious cycle of poor emotional connectedness evolves.

While doing counselling and psychotherapy in London, I first observed these issues in clients who work individually in the financial sector. Often, they cannot stop for lunch, and most of them have a long commute at one part of the day. Similarly, if you are operating for a business that appears to be on the verge of going into management, then the stress that this creates is likely to make you generate more anxiety chemicals – like adrenaline. The physiological influence of those anxiety chemicals is to decrease your sex drive or to make it difficult for you to engage in an intimate relationship properly. This is particularly true for men who are under a lot of stress because of work and are liable to have problems in getting an erection or premature ejaculation, something that I see at my sex therapy and counselling practice in London quite often. Living in big cities and having a busies lifestyle can cause the following sexual difficulties:

  • finding less time to engage in intimate connection and sexual activities with a partner
  • less interest and low libido due to increase stress hormones
  • difficulty in reaching climax, in both genders
  • inability to relax
  • finding it hard to produce adequate lubrication pre-intercourse
  • difficulty in achieving a proper erection.

These are just a few essential things that can be worked on while attending sex therapy and psychotherapy in London. Feelings of anxiety and not belonging may make you less inclined to give your partner enough romance and love play. You will presumably opt for doing the same things during sexual activity. This can result in experiencing disappointment, irritation, and even anger because of these work-induced symptoms. If these things are continuing, they can lead to the failure of a relationship, something which could be fork through in couples sex therapy.

However, the issues with intimacy and sex life can also result from other factors. Many people relocate to the big cities in search of better assistance and economic opportunities and distance themselves from past negative experiences. Also, some of the underlying factors for sexual health problems are compulsive sexual behaviour, depression, fear or lack of knowledge about the sexual needs, shame, parenting or pressure to start family, difficulties of the couple to discuss the subject, low-level of spontaneity, low self-esteem, lack of emotional connection, female or male sexual dysfunctions, not effective stimulation, unemployment, mental health problems, (dis)ability, past trauma, personal crises, break up, addiction, or migration and more. This social drift causes a population who are particularly predisposed to sexual health disorders already. This warrants for psychotherapy and counselling in cities like London. The problems with sex life can also have medical cause and diabetes, hormonal abnormalities, certain medications, or injuries that need to be addressed too. The initial session with a sex counsellor is a good way to start, and in the first meeting, we should establish what the actual problem you are struggling with is. Only then will we decide on further therapy process, couple or individual therapy, sex education, and given home tasks.

There is also a social factor, and I see couples with pre-existing risk factors for social anxieties often face harmful inequalities in the city. These experiences of prejudice and discrimination can significantly affect sexual wellbeing. This necessitates the need for counselling and psychotherapy in places like London.

Moreover, there are environmental circumstances, which weaken the satisfaction of sex life.The big city life can change people in two fundamental ways: increasing stimuli while tearing away from protective factors. People who live in the big city experiencing an increased stimulus level, including marketing, media, modern lifestyle, crowding, noise, smells, and intensity of other inputs. Every part of the urban environment is intentionally meant to assert meanings and messages. These stimuli trigger action and thought on a latent level of experience, and become more potent as a failure to cope sets in. This can increase the body’s levels of stress and anxiety, leading to poor sexual and social life. Many couples whose intimate life is impacted by environmental circumstances, rather than enjoying doing what gives them pleasure, try to meet imaginary and culturally forced sexual expectations. It is important in therapy to work with them, remembering that relational norms vary from those of society. Little changes can be made by each one of us, no matter how busy we are. But having proper psychotherapy and counselling in a place like London is essential if you need to face and resolve these issues head one on more profound level.

Online couples therapy

At this uncertain time surrounding COVID-19, people work from home if possible. This is a significant change for couples. However, there are plenty of benefits to use online psychotherapy on the issues from home. This is especially helpful as it decreases the stresses associated with big city life. At this challenging time, some of the advantages of working remotely are flexible schedule, saving time and money on the commute, a comfortable work environment, no traffic delays, better work-life balance, and productivity gain. Online psychotherapy is another option if you still feel you need some help in these times as access is just a zoom call away.

Low sexual desire does not automatically lead to an intrapsychic, interpersonal, or sexual problem. Sometimes, we feel sensual, and sometimes we are not exploring those desires. Additionally, there is a natural inclination in relationships for sex to get less regular as time passes. However, if you or your partner feel disappointment and frustration with your intimate life, it is probably the best time to investigate this thoroughly and contact professionals who offer psychotherapy and sex counselling.